George Valentine


My name is George Valentine I am a gag writer and comedian with

over 50 years’ experience of writing jokes, one liners and comedy.


A scotsman I was born in Edinburgh but I have lived in Rotherham since the 1960's. I wrote to Bob Monkhouse and he liked my material and guided me into writing for Tommy Cooper. (Bob made more money as a performing comedian than he did as a gag and comedy writer. A third rate comedian often earns more than a top writer). I have also prepared material for Les Dawson amongst others. I used to write long jokes but now I focus mostly on one liners. I write on average 100 one liner jokes a day and have now archived approximately 250,000 in total.

Many people who have never met a Joke writer before often ask me ‘how you possibly write 100 one liners in a day by lunch time?’ Each gag takes me about two minutes to form together including typing, thus taking me less than four hours on average. I use a computer, a dictionary, morning papers and I will view idioms and puns. Unlike most gag writers I take a word with more than one meaning and build a joke round it.

Using a dictionary, one word I picked out was ‘grafting’ and I came up with. ‘A boy said to a plastic surgeon you look tired’ he said ‘I know I’ve been grafting all day.'

My good friend Brad Ashton has written over 1000 TV and Radio shows for all the great comedians in Britain and abroad. Brad is not only a prolific gag writer, he has helped others like me to be better writers. One of his books “Stand up and be Laughed at” is a must for anyone who hopes to write comedy.

I currently hold five One Liner world records. (all can be viewed on YouTube.)


World’s shortest one liner joke three words ‘Obesity Cures Wrinkles.’

12 one liners told in 10 seconds.

62 one liner jokes in a minute.

121 one liner jokes in two minutes.

1000 one liner jokes in an hour.

Writing 220,000 jokes is also a record as far as I am aware (as at 2017) Jimmy Carr previously held the record for the shortest one liner “Venison’s deer isn’t it” I just by using Jimmy’s record could have made it 3 words “Venison’s deer meat” or 2 words “Venison’s deer. I estimate that around 2000 of my one liner are 4 words or less.

I have appeared on radio and television talking and performing some of my one liners and I do comedy shows using my own material mostly now for charity.

In 2015 and 2016 I used selected material from my archives to create and publish a series of Books which are able to be purchased from the Amazon Kindle Store. I have a general series and also have released two which have clean content aimed at being suitable for a younger audience also. Please see the Books section for all my publishing’s.

As well as the content updated on this website, I am also active on Facebook and Twitter posting selected jokes on a regular basis.

I hope you find my jokes bring some humour into your day.

George Valentine.